ManulZone

16/11/24 What has really brought me forward is thinking of art as a byproduct and thus not needing justification. I eat, I think, I make.

10/11/24 The computer is good for displaying a picture of a cat and then zooming in to the degree that the cat appears "real size". This in contrast to a phone which is not good at this.

16/10/24 Sometimes I wonder if my writing is even comprehensible? But - I've touched on this before - if I was to be completely comprehensible then it would not be incomprehensible, and thus not be comprehensible as what it is. This is how it is to exist, this is how life must be lived.

16/10/24 Meeting new people or catching up with friends usually has me answering questions about my job and education, and since it is interesting and I am so to say 'knowledgeable', it stays the topic of conversation and easily becomes a sort of 'summary of self'. Meanwhile I am busy doing and learning and being invested in much different things in my current life, yet people often only meet the one without meeting the other.. Hmm. So we part ways without having spoken to each other, only to 'that other self'.

Lately I am understanding my relationships with and gut reactions to people within the framework of 'being seen' or 'being misunderstood', yet this specific 'being misunderstood' doesn't bother me as much as the others; Perhaps it is fine to walk away from a person, yolk still unbroken (this is a theory).

1/9/24 The people on here have made such wonderful updates in my absence. Unrelatedly: I need a thermo cup for the colder seasons. I wonder if I could get a setup for my green tea that would allow for successful successive infusions of the same leaves.

28/8/24 apples buckthorn rosehip smells outside in the hot yet humid; we are yet again rotting so vividly.

28/8/24 I think to me being an artist is trying to understand. And then perhaps, trying to share understanding? But that describes so many callings and workings; we are all the same in the end?

28/8/24 Currently we are back on seaweed and the scent-hole. Whenever the fire ignites on anything I feel like I am so close to grasping some kind of Truth.. I am not saying this is real but it is a feeling.

28/8/24 Rolled back "on line" and was shocked to read the posion extraction bit. What?? It makes me sound like a person who listens to true crime and has a plan for how to dispose of a dead body. I had to ponder and ponder biking to-from on the broken glass workway to understand. I think: it is a precious little thing, hidden thing, a jewel, a seed. I think: Since I am back in my scent-hole, the similarities can explain. It's a perfume of sorts, a distillation. Isn't it?

6/7/24 Keep wanting to write things here but either I am outside or when I sit down and tap I say no I would want this to be something longer and of substance. Well!

6/7/24 Ikke langt inde for litoralzonen, det vil sige: på land, står jeg og deler mundsmag med en hjort, måske en ræv. Mundvand, hvis den har søgt upræcist og ikke fået det hele med, det jeg senere finder. Revlingerne, klar til høst i juli.

24/6/24 Contemplating extracting poisons like a shiny bead held between my fingers. But I reason that it seems like a thing not to just do. Perhaps only to keep them in vials.
Obviously it would be very unsatisfying not being able to test the potency and thus not knowing if it is any good.

12/6/24 My complaint:
"The benefit of making your own skin care products is you know exactly what goes into them!" SHOW ME your browser history for ground soil area condition and pollution mapping information analysis or SILENCE THINE SELF.... "make sure to pick plants away from polluted areas" yes "such as the road" THE ROAD??? OH IT gets so much worse it gets so much worse... do question it all. There is much to consider outside of the green house.

12/6/24 Spent the weekend in the barrel triple-grieving and now I've come up again for a romp in the landscape. Got a bunch of projects brewing / dreamt my mother's garden full of roses.

8/6/24 Complex emotions boiling down to the same simple shit as always. In my opinion, identifying your issue should instantly solve it. Such is not the way.

8/6/24 Been trying out pencil sketching before inking instead of my usual straight-to-ink to see how the other side lives. It's interesting, really very slow, though.

Drawing still lifes scenery room views of physical circumstances lived in testimony documentary witnessing, as: I can't talk about this right now / I can't leave it silent.

8/6/24 My brain always tries to solve problems in the most extreme ways. No, you don't want to quit your job. No, you don't want to die.

8/6/24 Traversing the life-marsh, wetting my feet on all the little tragedies.

5/6/24 Once and again the synapses align as such under the cranial skies that i sit up and think 'time for another Stephen King audiobook'.

Stephen King opinions:
It is a strange kind of relaxation of the brain muscles to read a novel where I'm going in with no pretense of relating to the interiority of the characters. Unsure what it is about the man, but his experienced humanity is so wildly foreign to me. Or, his imagined experienced humanity, it is fiction, and he is weird about women in a funny way. Please notice this for your baffled amusement, very obvious once you do.

It is interesting to have read enough books to see the huge and obvious patterns in an author's body of work, I find it pleasing how obvious the rethreading of themes stand out. This is allowed? Splendid. And, perhaps not thematically but essentially: Despite having read many of his books by now, the gaps allow for me to forget the degree to which he is a breast man, until it smacks me full frontal in the face, perky nipple and all.

I find his books good to chew on with my ears when I need to think (rather: have a thought grafted) but not too hard. There is always something to observe but not the feeling of having to put in effort. I am tired and I need to be occupied; It is time for Stephen.

5/6/24
Golden milk:

Measure milk in the cup you're going to drink it from, add to tiny small saucer pot container and turn on the HEAT. (Remember that fat carries flavor when you choose your milk).
Grate turmeric root into milk. I'd say a piece half the length of your thumb and not too thin, err on the generous side. Sprinkle some cinnamon as well.
Boil for ten min or so.
Turn off heat and pretend to wait long enough to add honey so that you don't kill the magical honey abilities. ENJOY..

This is so so tasty and beautiful and coats your throath nicely when it is sore. This recipe brought to you by the Plague

4/6/24 Be better not bitter be better not bitter and CULTIVATE

4/6/24 Thinking about all the books I've wanted for years. Just maybe I AM sure, then, and should just get them!

27/5/24 I can definitely see how people go insane over roses.

27/5/24 Got mad at the field of psychology again. Just never read an article that didn't seem invented. Spine-reactioning a "says you" to every claim; insomuch as every system and theory is a kaleidoscope to parse our reality through, yes, it is. But I need this aknowledged, I need a generous spattering fluttering shimmering of dusting of EPISTEMIC MARKERS of THE HUMBLEST KIND! I think the reverence as it stands is unearned.

27/5/24 Every long running webomic has a secondary cast: comment section regulars..

13/5/24 All I give is plant updates these days. Please start a long term (perennial) process of using your eyes and understanding. Thank you.

13/5/24 Poison pit update: yesterday on the evening bike I was marvelling at how the pheasants insist on standing in the middle of clearings to SCREAM and as I was imagening the ease with which my prehistoric self would secure dinner, another one decided to wander out and stand right on the path and stare at me. I am not roadkilling you mister!

The apple trees have deflowered themselves, and now the hawthorn stand in white so brightly. Garlic mustard is having its second small-bloomed wind, and as the dandeLions turn ghostly, umbellifers have taken over the show på deres spinkle måde. Cow parsley, most likely, but who even knows. And my dear friend the PLANTAIN is back I am waiting to spread their seeds all over soon enough when summer has burnt itself crisp. In this way I am waiting for so many times and things. I had something else to tell you. I have forgotten.

13/5/24 Caught myself trying to forgive imperfect people without letting myself grieve and be angry first. Liiga sõbralik, liiga lahk, liiga südamlik.... Or something like that. Bonk! I am forgetting-not with the forget-me-nots, a grave that is a time of year, a memorial in blooms.

6/5/24 So much, so much, I lose track. The apples, as you will have noticed, have bloomed, and I am not immune to their classic charm. Dandelions starting to go to downy parachutes and I encourage you all to gather and spread them all over, as I love them so. Was early for a meeting and wandered the hospice garden where we are not allowed to stand-still, technically, but allowed to locomote as in -> pass through, but in practice -> hard to distinguish from idling, so I idled there. The red oak, I think she is blooming, and the blood beech blossoms and downy leaves I touched, oh the thin almost-wet leaves of them still newly hatched, IT FEELS LIKE MEMBRANE, IT FEELS LIKE THE SLIPPERY FOAL-OF-DEER, IT FEELS NOT PLANT BUT ANIMAL!!! just a juice pressed down and flattened, not cooked for long enough and so: fragile in elasticity, new.

Animals in the poison pit: Pheasants still running amuk, screaming screaming. Young deer not knowing that in this place they are not hunted, rather, in other places they are, but not here as too many humans run all over the pit constantly. It does make me wonder, as I stopped the bike and we stared at them, standing 4m away. Oh, so you live in the pit and eat the poison but in doing so, your life is so truly prolonged, isn't it? At one time, they were standing in that place where all the elderflowers soon will bloom so envelopingly, flower most grounding and overbearing in that it is known and recognized and grinds your attention into the dirt and gravel, as you have drunk it since childhood, in recognition. Of course for now only the red-berried elder blooms, enticingly similar yet poisonus ! we say, pretending her sister isn't. Well!

Long-hair-cows are well. Deaf-nettles blooming. No foxes yet, but the other night bats swept over us, and I heard the nightingale tonight, so truly, summer, summer, summer.......

6/5/24 You must remember to look up as the manna is hanging ripe for sampling, and then you must remember to look down, as the morels like to do their mykorrhiza with the elm trees.. Not that you'll likely find any, but do be mindful if you choose to enter into that mutualism (as always).

30/4/24 Daily I bike in the poison pit for recreation, keeping up with the greenery, and as of lately, the long-hair-cows. Today they were excellent and beautiful, relaxing under the bushgrowth trees, draped in the sun, in each others company. One (black) was at the point of delivery, grazing with its dextrous tongue grabbing pulling. An amazing sound. Two people were not reading the signs forbidding feeding of the animals, and offered it grass (a gesture it seemed surprisingly confused by). Parked there, watching the people, watching the cow, I thought about why we feed animals that do not need it. Interaction? It is the way I can make you love me. Grass. Turning a cow a beggar. Interesting.

30/4/24 THE DANDELIONS!! THE DANDELIONS! GAOH!! GAOH!!!

27/4/24 Føler afsavn i knoglerne. Kroppen er træt.

27/4/24 Træt af at klippe hæle og tæer og vride ankler om for at kunne blive forstået. En version af mig selv der er forvredet for at eksistere, en version af nødvendighed er også en version af mig selv - langue er meningsløst uden parole, eller hvordan man nu vil sige det. Nuvel mendog kan man dog stadig trættes.

I do find it noteworthy how in situations of diverging matters of understanding and communicating, and here I am specifically being vague about the autistic/allistic clash-of-styles, one person is taken as having trouble both understanding and communicating, and this same person is tasked with bridging the gap, and this other person is expected to do nothing and not to have any feet in this circle of mutual misunderstanding and not to be in any way lacking or 'at fault'. Aha. Does this make sense? I couldn't be bothered to be clear about it at this time.

27/4/24 What is the appeal of having a public diary?
But then, what is the appeal of sharing art, is there a meaningful distinction? Funny, considering ↴

27/4/24 Requesting people who know me IRL to mentally separate this place from the idea of that other person. I do not want to be known.

27/4/24 I hate to write about it because it makes me feel self-absorbed-important but I do think my issue-condition er at være på vrangsiden, og idet alle syninger er synlige sømme, så
det er ikke fordi jeg ikke kan ræsonnere fra vrang-til-ret, men rettere
at det er desillusionerende, og derfor demotiverende, når
det hele forekommer så konstrueret.

27/4/24 I need to write really fast or all the thoughts happening simultaneously will slip away again. Well!

27/4/24 I need to draw people as motions and not constructions. This will take me forward. (Significant pause) Today I had a moment of artmaking feeling justified, I'm trying to grasp at this eel, I want to paint again, I want to want to paint again, please do not flop around so.

27/4/24 Always so shocked when coworkers voluntarily act as-if-friendlike chit-chat follow up and smile and valueing of opinion with me. And I am aware this is a past worlview remnant leftover leg-bone-appendix pleonastically (inasfar as we believe things can be truly rendered useless) but I do consider " WORK " to be truly seperate from " LIFE " in much the same way as " LIFE " is seperate from " DREAMING ". So it hardly makes sense. But maybe if I am to indulge mine vrangforestillinger for a moment, the dreaming analogy explains it. Mimicry.

23/4/24 WHAT'S THAT?? It is international MANUL day, that's right! Consider donating to Small Cat Alliance to support the wonderful manul in the wild, and have a nice meal to celebrate the day.

18/4/24 Dual wielding milk-eyed mender and TANGK, queueued up after each other. Honestly..!

18/4/24 Outside log: Been doing the daily patrols of the greenery (bike says hi). I've been wanting to do oxidation fermentation of those plants that are always claimed to be good for tea, but that taste like LEAF. But then it occurred to me that I prefer green teas.. Well it is not tea at all, so what is the issue! Roll and crush up a little damp ball and let it stand and let it dry, what's not to love.

My recommendation if you're at the altitude and in the climate is to keep an eye on the hawthorn leafbulbs that are exploding so nicely these days. Hurry and catch them before, and slow down to catch them later. If you eat a leaf, let me know what you think. I didn't get a strong impression either way. Crush and roll, perhaps.

18/4/24 I am aware the trees are blooming, as it were I am afraid that the others are not aware, of the trees that are blooming green and larvae-like, or in leaves; I am aware the trees are blooming, I am afraid I am alone in doing so.

15/4/23 Feeling like an entire person !

15/4/24 Stupid honk honk idiot over here in my bike helmet. Got a bike again finally. Zooming. So much glass on the ground, well, leave us alone!

15/4/24 I will rework the site in other places than just my mind when there is joy for me in computer screens again!

19/3/24 Too little space for things to be done wrong.

19/3/24 Compromise. Commitment. That's all you're getting.

10/3/24 I am actually reading along with the bookbug book club (more or less) but I am not posting reviews as that would be giving more of myself than I am willing to give at the moment.

1/3/24 It will always be funny to me that I made my website, like, brown? Who the fuck makes their website brown? Why is it brown??

1/3/24 Been not drawing but whittling small and wooden abstractions/animals. Carving the material away repeatedly, I surprised myself, finding that i am ret(h)reading the elephant story from last year. There is much to say about it. Sadly I do not think they will be shared. But who am I to know.

1/3/24 Strength of sculpture vs painting - painting is a picture of something, sculpture is something -- well this only holds insofar you're dealing with an illusionary picture plane. This feels laughably half baked. Finish this thought for me.

1/3/24 Decided to understand sculpture (=start the process of understanding sculpture). The thing with sculpture is, I think very aggressively so, you can not view it independent of its surroundings (this includes scale). But I think this is true of all types of art, perhaps sculpture just brings it to the forefront differently than 2D work does.

Additionally: with flat work there is a misconception that seeing it digitally reproduced is adequate to experience it. Not so I would say. It still has an integral physical reality.

Oh but what are surroundings, a sensory experience?

23/2/24 Every day I try to understand, yet it nags at me that this might be the wrong way to go about things.

23/2/24 IF IT IS NOT CLEAR, my interest in modernism and the avant garde in art history is about seeing how others have coped with living in a cruel world, how you continue on once you realise that things are truly well and fucked, how to deal with your own actions being insignificant in all of this. This is about society, it is about fascism, it is about climate, and it is about other things. Quiet part out loud here, but I thought, in case it was not clear, it might be interesting to know.

19/2/24 Multi color printmaking as a process appeals so much to me (seperation and layering, dealing with opacity, and so on) BUT buying several inks AND (!!) getting fucking registration to work does not. Additionally: I have yet to find a good way to make relief prints when I can only justify making the matrix from trash. And I do not want to deal with intaglio registration in the slightest - although - suppose I could.. sort of accomplish something close to this (just got an idea). Otherwise, is it finally the time for me to embrace japanese wood block.. ack but i love the sticky icky ink too much. More on this as it develops.

17/8/24 Listening to this lectures series on printmaking, thinking conceptually.. Getting a lot out of it (esp. the first one on pressure, linked here).

16/2/24 Went to see the new Ghibli Heron movie. Well, I loved it.

16/2/24 I feel people to be too busy lamenting winter to notice the green emerging all over, spirene jeg i min smerte og afmagt observerer, der invaderer (titter frem) i mine på forskuds sørgende vandringer, traskende i det sidste af det brune, det grå, det tågede og smattede.
-> Er det kærlighed, hvis ingen ser den ankomme; Hvis den, der ser, kun ser tegn, tegn til og af min sorg, min væmmelse, min afmagt.
--> Ingen ænser bladet, kun blomsten - er en sølle undskyldning, særligt nu; særligt nu, når det blomstrer.

13/2/24 I think I am finally caving and buying that Akua intaglio ink.......... need to get the poll function implemented so you all can vote on the color. (<-- Cassatt-induced madness)

8/2/24 Go read the new hourly comics!!!

4/2/24 Thank you manulzone, for hosting my gibberish.

4/2/24 I am not interested in portraying identity, rather I think that many different kind of people can share the same, unnamed experiences in glimpses.

I am not satisfied by reinvention through the minting of a new self, I am for bending the past into the future, the continuous chipping away and addition, de(re)forming that owes to, includes, appreciates and aknowledges the material at hand, the material realities of a life, an experience. A body, in several senses and on several axes.

These statements are not related, but formulated themselves at the same time.

2/2/24 My new hobby is stretching my wrists.

2/2/24 Sometimes I read back in the mini bloglog and think "This is so true. I was so right to say this. That's really how it is."

2/2/24 Been having compounding revelations, suddenly crystalizing in my mind, waiting at the red light, sitting on the train, walking. What else. In a different revelation, and some time ago by now (when it was still frosty and crunchy and the air would still bite), finally stubbed my toe up against the edge of what dadaism can do for me. "Build up the new instead of tear down the old", or how it goes, but perhaps I am not there yet, still stewing. Historical precedent exists, of course (ontogenesen følger fylogenesen), dog stadig uklart for mig præcis hvordan. F**** is an extremely unsatisfying direction to take, but when was I ever satisfied with the theoretical moves and grooves of the surrealists. In any case, rolling forward on my catterpillar's feet, pressing down the fertile soil and flower bulbs as I go.
What else. 2024 is the year of music. Don't think I told you.
And yes, hourlies are on their way. I did not forget, gentlemen.

2/2/24 Well, I think I might just make a grilled cheese for my customary saturday brunch tomorrow. I don't think I've ever had one (only toasts).

29/1/24 I had much to say. I don't remember. I am trying to discern between acceptance and complacency, I am coming up with nothing real, nothing of use.

21/1/24 Saw a 'toy poodle' dogchild today, it left me quite shocked. Hubris of man and all that.

18/1/24 I can only seem to keep one orbfarm fish alive in my orb, but maybe just having one fish is actually great. I think it is a goldfish, do those get lonely?

16/1/24 Do you ever stop having been a kid? I wonder.

16/1/24 Sometimes when I cook and serve and eat my little meals, people ask: How can you be bothered? - Bothered to do what, exactly? Have a good time?

15/1/24 Life is sinewous, and I am chewing, chewing, chewing.

14/1/24 Is there truth, or only ways to understand things?
Addendum (30min after): Why do I care so much about this.

12/1/24 So. Anyone got a good recipe for vegetarian moussaka? My issue lies here: I can fob a mince into being meaty, but I can't replace what the meat would do for the rest of the dish.. you know? That's always the trouble.
You'd think smothering an eggplant in béchamel would be enough, but no.. if it is any way not what I hoped, it will not be good enough.

12/1/24 Throwing the good old pica a bone, in which a bone is understood to be delicious apple stems.

12/1/24 Eating celeriac, parsnip, apples, celeriac, parsnips, apples, celeriac, parsnip, apples.. If you ultra magnified all my biological matter you would find celeriac, parsnip, apples. Probably my body will rebel soon by becoming deathly allergic. Autumnal diet, stretched through winter into the new year.
Why is it called celeriac? Sounds like a disease. Celiac! That's it. Maybe that's what I'll become. Colic. Choleric. Celeriac.

10/1/24 Steady trot towards a point in the horizon that does not seem to get closer.

10/1/24 ART! LITERATURE! No words, no words... oooooohhh

9/1/24 I truly understood the subjectivity of art once, years ago, reading a youtube comment on Age of Adz. It asked, humbly and politely, how anyone liked anything about the song. As an adzhead, it shook me. Ah, so you don't hear it, don't hear it, at all? This is all nothing to you?
It is one of the things you can know theoretically, without feeling it. At that moment, I felt it. The depth of subjectivity of experience. Nothing is ever accesssible to us independent of brain processing, and no processing is ever the same. All, in this world we walk around in, then: of course, also in art. In everything.
I was reminded of this incident recently, remembering a review of The haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson that essentially said: Everything this does has been done better now, and done so many times that it is, when read now, trite either way. And I thought: Ah, you don't see it. You don't see it, at all.

9/1/24 How is it I am seeing a revival of interesting in the Garf phone beach incident, right as I am [redacted] on the [redacted] that I've been [redacted]??

3/1/24 I've never seen any visual dada art I found interesting, but that is perhaps true to form. Surrealism looks gorgeous but is theorethically åndssvagt (in the literal reading of the word: weak of spirit, which is ironic, considering the theoretical base, but also in the common reading: stupid). I've been reading and reading and reading theory and analysis but it falls flat to me. It is unconvincing.

3/1/24 Just found out about 'rajma'. Interesting. I will ask my friend Swasthi Indianhealthyrecipes for advice

2/1/24 Should I remodel the gallery? Perhaps I should.

2/1/24 Does anyone beside the rich care about the old money vs new money distinction? It is also confusing to me that old money is seen as more respectable, when you consider what kind of people were rich in the past (and how).

20/12/23 It would appear that Louise Bourgeois gets it.

2/12/23 I am repeatedly and comically incensed by the postulation of profundity in etymology. Argh!

30/11/23 Christmas card season has begun, thusly I am toiling in the card mines. I should add the past years creations to the archives.

30/11/23 My new hobby is relaxing my shoulders.

30/11/23 Pickled some red onions but I am not satisfied. They're okay. What else. Made a lot of kimchi.

30/11/23 Bought a yoga mat weeks ago but the smell is so intense I threw it in the attic and have not dared to touch it since. Smell!!!

27/11/23 I like paintings. But paintings are inconsequential, closed off things.

25/11/23 Double line spacing.. Lately I am conflicted. Great for correcting assignments, awful for the average reading experience.

15/11/23 Found a new gif of a cat dancing happily as it kneads. Simple yet exquisite delight. Wonderful!

8/11/23 A very evocative 'haha, outrageous'

7/11/23 Ass crack biomimicry

23/10/23 I wonder what alternatives there are for heading to Asia, what with the transsiberian railroad currently being a bad idea.

23/10/23 Getting into savory porridges.

23/10/23 Even if things are busy in the future, there will still be downtime (reminder to self)

21/10/23 I really don't like playful rudeness and insults among friends, but I just saw an edited photo of a cat holding up its middle finger, which would make an incredible response/rebuke to that.

5/10/23 I really do encourage you to click the images in the gallery to see them larger, and with the background muted out.

3/10/23 What have I been thinking about? I've been thinking about how it is impossible to know or understand or comprehend everything -> relatedly, when foreign languages are left untranslated in art, I enjoy it is an expression of this. It makes the world feel bigger. Don't humor the illusion. What else. I have been thinking about carnivores.

3/10/23 I've really been seeing a surge of appreciation/recreation of medieval art styles. I am not complaining as I enjoy them, but I am afraid that it will be seen as a 'fad' and thus go 'stale'. That it won't be seen as earnest expression beyond a point. That it will lose its magic for others, for me. Hmm hmm.

3/10/23 So, I've been on a Tintin reading binge. It has been fun and interesting (obvious caveats do apply). I also reread Gunnerkrigg Court which as always stands up well. I feel like I comprehended much more this time around, despite feeling like my brain has been cooked in a toaster lately. Perhaps it is the wisdom of age. An interesting read for the patternmaking brain.

1/10/23 Too many appealing comics at Shortbox Comics Fair. I mean this. There are too many and it is stressing me out! Augh.

29/9/23 I ate a delicious sandwich

22/9/23 Are you all enjoying 'An Effort to Improve the Elephant'? I hope so.

22/9/23 Carving out an online representation of yourself and choosing of all things to include a picture of your face, I have to say I don't relate.

21/9/23 Missed out on a very intriguing second act of theather in my dream tonight because having to choose dinner from a menu during the break stressed me out so bad that I woke up =(^o_._o^)=

20/9/23 Radio.garden not allowing iframe embedding is really messing up my plans right now............

19/9/23 Pondering when a piece graduates from the "new" section of the gallery. I've got several things ready to be added, but CiaWB is still so recent. Ah, maybe I need to rearrange things in there more drastically..

19/9/23 Found two sites linking to me with my button. Thank you. Feel free to let me know if you use my button. ManulZone button

18/9/23 I am sad that I will have to write in English in order to be understood. English is not the muscle I want to be training.

18/9/23 My parents' cat is currently taking the platonic ideal of a perfect nap.

16/9/23 Managing quite well, as in: comfortable in what I am accomplishing; as in: feeling in control; as in: successfully enforcing limits in places that aren't given. But I feel exhaustion just under the surface, exposed if I'd lightly scratch the surface. Like paint, like paper, like sunburnt skin.

16/9/23 Being in an empty house, I'm listening to a lot of radio. Really good radio, every time I turn it on, it blows me away with great programming. But the 2020 lockdowns are repeatedly mentioned, and it has me pondering some personal things quite bitterly. Hmm.

16/9/23 Added new pictures to the gallery. I'm wondering about all the things not in there, my non digital pictures. In the future I might show you, I think you will like it.

15/9/23 Very excited about the additions to the links page.

14/9/23 Peeing in a perfectly good and clean bowl of fresh water, repeatedly, every day. Grotesque.

4/9/23 The Angel of Hearth and Home, or, The Triumph of Surrealism is IN A PRIVATE COLLECTION??

2/9/23 Sammenlagt (af andetsteds skrevne overvejelser): jeg skal fordybe mig for at kunne skabe meningsfyldt, men jeg kan ikke fordybe mig, endsige skabe, hvis jeg ikke føler det er meningsfyldt, og hvis jeg ikke kan retfærdiggøre over for mig selv, forbruget; spildet af resurser - ikke nemt foreneligt med min tradition og nødvendighed for løbende iteration, udtænkning i den igangværende proces. Men igen: hvad spilder ikke, hvad spilder ikke i det levende liv, og hvis vi ikke vil dø (se: dødskult, rituel selvudrydelse, en omend principfast, så opgivende og ynkelig tilgang), så må vi vel skabe og dermed: spilde, og deraf følger at det er nytteløst at pive over det.

And now, a walk

2/9/23 Nothing makes sense (;has a purpose) if you get too theorethical, but I don't think I know how not to. I can't puzzle out the justification of art, much as I cannot puzzle out the justification of anything, except, perhaps, eating, and death, and (illegitimately so) sickly ascetiscism. It is pointless and annoying to be stuck wondering, and I don't think much can be sorted out through a paralyzed body in thought. And yet! And yet.

2/9/23 Spent a long time pondering: What sort of art is justified? Perhaps, none. But then, neither is anything else. So then what? Then what?

30/8/23 Found this article while researching the new cat feature. It didn't make the cut, but do check it out for many good cat pictures AND (!) a hilarous looking rabbitlike creature called a 'Mountain Viscacha' (truly so funny). It is all about Chile!

28/8/23 About self portraiture: "it never really looks like me" because you are not a static being. You do not look a certain way. Flux. A more or less successful glimpse into what you might have been in a specific instant (though a fictional, amalgated instant, as it is created from several). I think the plasticity is the point. How do we portray the temporal? Well, depends.

28/8/23 Who are you people, looking at my site? What are you getting out of it? I would like to know.

28/8/23 Mina olen
kass,
mõnus kass, mõnusas paksus
päiksekiires
Päevitan
Mul on kassi peas:
(paksuspäiksekiires:)
Unine mõte, mõnus uni, ja
minu jalad on soojad, oma suuga
ma haigutan

28/8/23 Rootslane rosina Roosi, sina oled
kohev viinamari, liiga vana
ja valge

28/8/23 Mushroom foraging and unicycling incite the same reactions of disbelief in people, in my experience? Like these are difficult skills, outside of the capabilities of the average human. They're really not.

27/8/23 Yes, I am looking for purpose. I suppose that (much) is very simple and very normal and honestly embarassing to admit (as it is very simple and very normal), but even more embarassing not to admit. So I must admit it. Though recent events have informed me that purpose has a certain connection to 'resposibility', and that is a slug that does not lend itself to swallowing, though I am trying, I am trying.

27/8/23 I want to present my understanding in a way that is comprehensible, but I refuse to make sense, or: in that my understanding does not make sense (!), it would be antithetical.

27/8/23 It feels like: an expression that is not thorough, not cohesive in all ways is equal to nothing, for den er ikke gennemført, ikke et fuldstændigt jeg.
Men også: In the nature of development is: existing as an unfinished thing, an un-whole, or, the being that is Not Yet. And: It is impossible for a thing to exist if not developed first. Self contradiction as things are figured out, and: that the answer (to the extent that one can be believed to exist) does not crystallize, but is carved and sculpted. Yet it is hard to feel it doesn't cheapen the end result/argumentation/point of it all. I want to speak with conviction but I am not convinced.

The ideal state of things is impossible. At least, that much is not new.

25/8/23 Cooking basmati rice for the first time in months. Pulled the lid off and swooned at the aroma. YES!

25/8/23 I wish they had pressed your body down into a
stone, a little rock
for me to hold
and carry in my palm.

24/8/23 Neocities says I get somewhere between 50-200 unique visits every day.. who are you people!

24/8/23 Taking charge of my life like wrestling a skittish yet formidable hog.

21/8/23 Having a job is tough on me. Hope you all are well.

19/8/23 Finally, representation in media

19/8/23 I will fold in on myself until I am a small cube, and lay completely still for a couple of days.

17/8/23 Started work for real today.. had my international debut as a little monkey who throws fruit at people.

16/8/23 Ever since I implemented the snake game on this site, I keep returning here to play it. I hope you all enjoy it as well (it is on the desktop).

12/8/23 Always very funny to hear a disclaimer for swearing at the beginning of a podcast episode. Les Américains...

11/8/23 I am reading 'The Bloody chamber' by Angela Carter and she writes like a dream... currently on 'Puss in boots' which is SO funny, tomcat POV was made for me, specifically. The only other book I've read by her was 'The Passion of New Eve', which was a much more convoluted read. Compared to that, this one is incredibly accessible. She's so good with words. A treat.

9/8/23 Perhaps also worth mentioning, I landed a job. But my heart beats strong with the blood of the zone, my veins (læs: vener) continuosly bring it back to pulse around again and again. Goodnight.

9/8/23 There's been a change within me, an old change by now, gradual, but: Jeg er blevet træt af at se på mit eget ansigt, igen igen - igen - ! - igen, at beskue indad - at deskue, den indadvendte kunst. snak snak snak. As is so often done, I have looked to the past for insight (igen igen-igen does not start with me as a point of origin) In the future, I hope to elaborate on this. Ontogonesen følger fylogenesen. Ontogeny follows phylogeny.

9/8/23 Time to learn javascript.

7/8/23 'Swanlights' album by A+the Johnsons on repeat. Beautiful. Beautiful!

7/8/23 Always balancing between my desire for accessibility in what I create (that is, not ease of access, but a levelling of access; that accessibility should not be determined by (dis)ability), and the natural inclination for nonsense (inclination is too weak here, the word is more: need for, belief in, higen efter). But how is accessibility levelled in something that is by nature, inaccessible?

Hvad leder jeg efter, vreden? Eller den andens Hvorfor, der legitimiserer mit eget?
Tilgængeligheden må fanden tage, det utilgængelige, det userverede, den nød vi finder borte når vi knækker skallen. Du behøver ikke forstå; du behøver netop forstå, at det ikke alt sammen kommer nemt til dig (; at det ikke alt sammen kommer, til dig; at det ikke alt sammen behøver komme)

6/8/23 It has taken me years to come around to this, but I might have written off the Futurists too quickly. Not to say that Marinetti and his boys weren't fascist, more to say, it is interesting what others have transmuted from them.

What sent me down this path has mainly been later movements speaking so fondly of something that to me has always been obviously repugnant (although not uninteresting?)

5/8/23 Took two empty tuna cans and a thing of tomatos to the metal recycling. On the stairs, contemplated: this is not how food has always been. By the recycling, saw a woman with an impressivly large ass, and though: no single human is meant to understand everything.

3/8/23 Browsing all the fantastic sites here on neocities makes me want to make this place more eccentric..! All in due time

Making this website and teaching myself the skills to do so has been so fun, enriching and creatively fulfilling. Really, it very much surprised me! Tossed directly into my enclosure as a scented piñata for me to paw at.

1/8/23 Mushroom season has begun! Found a bunch today

1/8/23 Getting great enjoyment out of the "this is good enough"-approach. As always.

30/7/23 Everyone! Welcome to the site! My backlog of art to add is enormous, so that'll happen in batches. I added a taste test for every year, but I'm far from done! Enjoy your stay!

30/7/23 I keep getting distracted from this job application I'm writing to go stare lovingly at my website. Soon!

29/7/23 Only the gallery left and then ready for launch. Whew. Looking through my old stuff.. It's pretty good!

29/7/23 Eventually, I want to add javascript and have a lightbox effect in the gallery. But I need to learn js first and for now I just want this live!

29/7/23 Feeling my heart beat. I am an organic machine

28/7/23 Do people really not read terms and conditions? I'll never understand that.

28/7/23 I dislike the way inaccurate autotranslation is used for smaller languages on bigger websites. It makes me afraid that this language use will be adopted by humans who are continuously exposed to it. Soulless language change. It feels like we are eating our own sediment.

28/7/23 I am trying to figure out the design of this website

This is random chatter.

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